The Practice of Silence for Lay People
The Practice of Silence for Lay People
Silence. It’s a
word that is both appealing and terrifying. It is a word that can either
connote peace and calm, or frightening isolation.
While some might
find the idea of silence appealing, the truth is, most of us don’t do well with
perfect quiet. Have you ever sat alone in a room, only to hear sounds you had
never noticed before? The ticking of a clock. The whooshing of air moving
through ducts. The hum of a refrigerator. A lawn mower running in the distance.
It is all a bit unnerving.
But perhaps the
thing we fear most about silence is being alone with our own thoughts. When
confronted with true quiet, we begin to hear the mad and chaotic rush of
thoughts filling our minds. The anxieties, the deep longings, the painful
questions all seem to come bubbling to the surface of our consciousness–and it
makes us uncomfortable.
We fear this
confrontation with our innermost selves, the struggle with the complexity of
our hearts. So our natural tendency is to drown out silence with constant
noise. In the car alone, we turn on the radio. At home, TVs run constantly, not
so that we can watch them, but for a comforting “background noise.” A spare
moment in line is filled with compulsive checking of our smartphones. Anything
but silence.
Silence and the
Saints
Yet, despite the
disquieting nature of silence, countless saints have counselled it as a
necessary and indispensable practice for growing in true holiness.
“In silence and
quiet the devout soul advances in virtue and learns the hidden truths of
Scripture,” says Thomas a Kempis. “Guard against much talking,” advises St
Dorotheus of Gaza, “for it puts to flight devout thoughts and recollection in
God.” St Maximilian Kolbe declares that, “Silence is necessary, and even
absolutely necessary. If silence is lacking, then grace is lacking.” Many more
examples could be given.
Through the
centuries, many religious orders have put this advice into practice, with not a
few prescribing silence to various degrees in their rules. Perhaps the most
famous and strict of these orders is the Carthusians. Their disciplined quiet
is so well known that a documentary film about them was entitled, “Into Great
Silence.”
But why?
Without question,
all the great saints, mystics, and spiritual masters prescribe silence as a
sure means to holiness. But why? What’s so special about silence?
It is important to
understand that silence, like all the tools of the spiritual life, is not an
end in itself. It is a means–a method for coming to know Jesus Christ. Silence
is necessary because our intellects are wounded and fractured by the Fall.
Communion with God our Creator once came naturally and easily, much like seeing
or hearing does now. We were constantly aware of His presence. But now, sin has
disrupted this communion and damaged our ability to know God at the deepest
level of our being.
Our fractured
intellect, once perfectly in control, is now a chaotic storm of thoughts,
feelings and emotions – like a restless cloud of gnats on a hot summer night.
Calming this spiritual and emotional storm is incredibly difficult, and the
only way to achieve it is to face it head on. This we can only do when we are
quiet enough to hear just how chaotic our souls really are. Indeed, this can be
frightening, and we’d rather not do it–but doing so is absolutely essential for
spiritual progress.
Moreover, silence
is necessary to hear the promptings of the Holy Spirit and to receive and
preserve grace. God does not shout. He speaks quietly and softly, in a “still
small voice” (1 Kings 19:11-12). The promptings of the Holy Spirit are never
heard in busyness and anxious activity, but rather in stillness and quietness
of heart.
Silence too helps
us to preserve the graces that God sends to us. Scuba divers are careful and
slow with their movements so as not to waste unnecessarily their precious
reserves of oxygen. Likewise, holy souls speak speaking carefully and prudently
to preserve their reservoir of grace.
How to Practice
Silence
Now, you may be
wondering how it would be possible for a layman with a job and perhaps a family
to practice the virtue of silence. I know my wife would not appreciate it if I
began gesturing to her with monastic hand signals rather than speaking! But
while the practice of silence for a lay person might look different than for a
monastic, it is still possible and even advisable. Here are some practical
suggestions.
The first way to
practice silence is to refrain from frivolous speech, realising that “when
words are many, transgression is not lacking” (Proverbs 10:19). That is, don’t
speak for speaking’s sake. Social media especially encourages wasted speech.
I’ve logged into Facebook to see people complaining about hangnails, discussing
their digestive problems, or posting cryptic statements that beg for attention
(“I really wonder if it’s worth it anymore,” and the like). If you’re tempted
to engage in this kind of speech, don’t. Speak only when you have something
worthwhile to say.
Second, silence
can be practiced by restraining our tongues when we desire to complain.
Complaining is the opposite of gratitude and thanksgiving, and it is actually a
sin. It is so easy to complain about a meal, a rude person, or the weather. But
does this contribute to anyone’s well being? Hold your tongue unless you have
something praiseworthy to say.
Third, we can
practice silence by refraining from sharing our opinion on every topic
imaginable. Whenever a crisis emerges on the national or world stage, it seems
that everyone everywhere immediately declares their infallible opinion on the
matter. But the truth is, many of us don’t understand these events very well at
all, and the world is not in need of more opinions. Keep your opinion to
yourself and you will be considered the wiser for it.
Fourth, we can
resist the urge to fill every spare moment with noise. If you are driving, try
leaving the radio or music off. If you are home, leave the TV off. Avoid
mindlessly checking your phone while in line or in spare moments. Life is full
of moments where we can be silent. Embrace them.
Finally, we can
keep silence when we desire to criticise others. How easy it is to notice the
faults of others! And it is even easier to repeat these faults, true or not, to
others, tearing people and harming their reputations if only to make ourselves
feel better. To keep silence when we feel the urge to criticise is difficult,
but it is also life-giving.
Conclusion
“The tongue is
placed among our members as a world of iniquity,” says St James. Words have
power, though it be unseen, and what we say will echo in eternity. While we are
not cloistered monks, we can learn to practice silence in the state to which
God has called us, restraining our tongues wisely so we can hear the voice of
Christ and come to know him better.
This article was
first published on The Catholic Gentleman.
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